Ahhh...

I love music. You don't have to know me very well to know that I worship music. Depending on the day, or time of day, or situation, I carefully scan through my iTunes or iPod and pick out only the perfect and well-deserved songs for that moment. Tonight I'm listening to Joe Purdy. Megan told me to cut it out until the sad NW fall and winter are over, but he's perfect for the past 36 hours I've had!

Work has been wearing on me lately. Not physically, but mentally. I had such a fabulous clientele back home in Wilmington. It took me 3 years to get there, but I miss them terribly. Starting a new job is hard enough, but it gets a little trickier when you have to start all over with a new clientele and gain their trust. You're really starting from scratch. I've had some discouraging situations happen lately where I question whether or not I'm fit to deal with people who are so locked in on their looks and perfection. I'm the girl who doesn't own a hair brush, or a flat iron. And I haven't cut or colored my hair in months, but I still make do and I think it still looks OK. But dang, some people think it's the end of the world if they don't look like Jennifer Aniston or Drew Barrymore on their first visit. I understand hair is VERY important. Most of us have it, and it is one of the first things you notice on someone. But I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to let you walk around with your hair whacked out, or unfinished, so just trust me, and leave it to the professionals. You're in my chair because you don't know how to do this yourself.
(side note: DON'T USE BOX COLOR)
So after having some discouraging moments, and a walk to the bus stop filled with homeless people begging me for money after I worked hard all day for my own, I was a little sensitive last night when my roommate asked about my night. Poor boy. The bottom lip started quivering and off I run up the stairs, ashamed of my tears. Honestly half way through my cry fest 2010 I realized I wasn't really sure of why I was crying. I think it was just frustration finally escaping through my bright green eyeballs. After a nice hot shower I went back down to explain myself, and after fighting back more tears, all I had to say in response to "What's going on? What's wrong?" is "People are stupid."
How old am I again?
How do I not know this by now?

Maybe it was sleep deprivation from the night before, but I definitely caught up on it after ending a very frustrating and mentally challenging day at 9:30 pm. This morning I woke up bright and early, although still dark out at 7 am. Dabbed on a little extra under eye concealer, faced the day and hopped on the bus towards breakfast. By now the sun was shining, and yes Bob Marley, the weather WAS sweet! I had the most delicious chai latte while waiting for my breakfast-in-crime partner. We headed over to Pine State Biscuits, again, because it's the most amazing biscuits and gravy ever (and we all know biscuits and gravy heals the soul). Afterwards, we went to Powell's Bookstore. HUGE bookstore downtown, and throughout Portland, that has an amazing selection of books, new and used. I headed back to SE to be close to work once 3 pm came around and enjoyed my new book in a park a few blocks away. I felt the cool earth below me and the warm sun on my skin. I watched the blades of grass dance in harmony with the leaves on the tree as the wind blew. I heard laughter, mainly children's from the playground a few yards behind me. I watched a dad play football with his son and daughter. I wondered if she was as much of a daddy's girl as I am. I wondered if she's as spoiled as I have always been by my daddy and if one day, when she's all grown up, if all she craves after a bad night at work is her daddy's hug and him reminding her that everything will work out. And him being the only person you believe when you hear it. I also had nice long conversations with my sister and my mama, and chatted with a couple fabulous friends back home. After this kind of morning I could take on anything! Unfortunately the evening at work wasn't too productive, but safe. I'm just terrified of my job becoming a job, and no longer a passion, or a chance to express myself and my creativity.

I checked my mail tonight and found a postcard from SOUTHPORT! I miss my Nancy an as always, I am so thankful of her thoughtfulness. It was informing me to look for a package this weekend. The thought of it is rocking my world! It could be a box of Styrofoam peanuts and I wouldn't care. The thought that someone thought of me and took time to send me a little something something warms my heart and makes me smile.

Right now I've got Christmas lights illuminating my room, Joe Purdy singing "Sinkin' Low" quietly, and the howl of a train miles away. I have food in my belly and a job to go to tomorrow. I have friends and family who care for me and love me and miss me. And I miss them equally. I have plans with my great friends out here for the weekend, a kitty warming my feet and updated pictures to scan through of my nephew on Flickr.

Life is good.