Things are greeeaaat!

So I realized I haven't updated lately so here we go. I thought a rainy Sunday would be the perfect opportunity!

Things are going VERY well here in Portland! Yes, I still miss home like mad, and it did start raining, and I am struggling financially, but what's new?? My new way of living is to just keep breathing, living, and loving. I can't help but think of how much of a whiny baby I am at times. I'm upset here and there because I can't afford a new bed, or I can't get that new iPod I want. Then, after a few hours of pouting and thinking it's so hard, I think of how ridiculous I'm being. I have a nice warm roof over my head protecting me from this beautiful, fragrant rain. I have a bed with sheets and pillows and blankets and a kitty foot warmer to keep me somewhat comfortable at night, but most of all protected. I have a job that pays me money to pay my bills, afford the bus rides, and put food in my tummy. And it doesn't hurt I actually enjoy my job and (most of) my clients. I'm doing what I love to do and I have the freedom to choose to do what it is I want to do and where I want to do it. I hear so many people complaining about this aspect of their job, or that person, so quit. If life is so much better away from a certain job, or relationship, or even place of living, get OUT! It won't only make your life better, but the people around you will enjoy your company much better. Oh, and I have a ton of fabulous people in my life, more about that later...

Last week my best friend of 21 years came in to town. Sure, so we were 3 when we met and probably didn't realize we were friends back then, but how couldn't we?? She's 2 days older than me and although we are very similar and have a lot of Aquarius tendencies, we still have enough differences to make us love each other even more! Megan was only here from Monday evening until Wednesday but we definitely had a good time and jammed it pack with fun! She helped me discover a lot of places and things around Portland that I've never seen. We spent a lot of time shopping and eating, and I don't know what could've been better.
Just as my last visitor, the anticipation of my next visitor is driving me insane. She just booked her flight today, but on December 11 (2 months from tomorrow) my SISTER will be in town!!! There's a bond between sisters that's unexplainable. Although from one of her past blogs where she talked about how we didn't always get along so well, I honestly don't remember any of that crazy talk! Growing up I wanted to be just like my sister, and still do. She's the first one I call with any drama and gossip. She's the first one I call when I need to hear a friendly voice to make me feel less homesick. She's the first one I call when I need to be uplifted. She's my everything and I feel so sad for people who don't have sisters, or even better, a sister like mine. Her son probably bonded us even closer if that was possible, and I have SO much respect for her. I love her with all my heart and I always know I can show her 100% of my true self. Even the not so pretty side... So yep, she'll be here from Saturday to Tuesday a couple of weeks before Christmas! This will definitely make Christmas away from home a tad easier. A girl couldn't be any more excited!

I've learned a lot of things about myself, which is making it easier to correct the things I don't care for. Instead of ripping my heart wide open for all to see on the computer screen, I'll keep these things to myself and my dearest friends, but I am very proud that I've learned how to cope with certain problems and feelings and desires. There's a whole lot that needs fixing, but time will take care of most problems and concerns.

On a sour note, I think I've finally realized how I truly feel on relationships. And I'm not 100% positive this is how I really feel, but it is evolving and changing me for certain. I've pretty much always been in a relationship since I was 14. When I fall, I fall hard. I have a big heart, yes we all know this, but most of the time it's wasted on the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. I've always said my one biggest fear is loneliness. It's true, and it still somewhat is, but I've learned what loneliness really is. The worst type of loneliness is being with someone, or giving your all to someone, who doesn't return the passion. I use to think it was the saddest and lamest thing in the world to sit home alone on a Friday or Saturday night. Or to not be able to just get on the phone and have someone at your door instantly. But man was I wrong. As I watch other couples, or just people in general, it's like I get a completely different view of myself. I'm that girl that's giving giving giving to the wrong person who doesn't appreciate me at all, while ignoring someone, or something, who's trying to give me exactly what I need and expect in return. This could be in a romantic relationship, or friendships, or even a job aspect. I unfortunately have suffered in all three. I think the saddest part is that even after I realize what I'm doing wrong, I still hang in there, for the fact of wanting to be wanted by who I want to be wanted by. Last night, on a Saturday night, I got off work from an mind-draining day, slipped into my jammies, ate pizza, watched football with my roommate, and snuck off to bed around 10 pm. Any other night this would've bothered me, I would've probably whined to my friends and expected a pity party, but I told myself to get over it, there's nothing wrong with you and get some dang sleep finally! It felt amazing to get a full night's sleep, only to wake up in time for breakfast with a new friend! At a southern restaurant! With sweet tea and biscuits! If you haven't noticed, Portland has a lot of amazing food. We like to eat, a lot. Not in an indulging kind of way, but an appreciating kind of way.
A wonderful friend back home informed me when I was moving across the country that her brother lives in Portland. I had no idea and the thought kind of blew my mind! After two months of living here and realizing I'm finally settled in, I e-mailed him to ask him to breakfast. This morning we met at the fabulous NC native owned restaurant to enjoy delicious biscuits and refreshing sweet tea. (Still not the same as mama's, but close.) I can't even explain how great it was to meet someone who seems so familiar and like we've known each other our whole lives. We're from the same town and both lived there all our lives. Just a friendly reminder of how small this place we call Earth really is. Great conversations and delicious food is the combination of a perfect Sunday morning.

Today Kelly and I are headed around town to spend time together. Speaking of people I love, this girl, yep, she's my rock! I've learned to just take her advice. No matter how brutally honest is is and how much it sucks following it, she always knows what's best. How? Because 3 years ago I still recall a situation where if I would've followed her advice, I would've saved a lot of heartache and anger. I love spending time with her, and all my other friends out here as well, but we just have that bond and understanding that every pair of girls need!

So there it is! I'm happy, things are going grrreeeat (in my Tony the Tiger voice), and I can't wait to see everyone in March! Only 5 more months, y'all!