I don't want to go to that quiet place.
I don't want to think about all the things that I'll think of while trying to doze off.
I don't want to be in my uncomfortable bed, in my room, on 50th Ave, on the west coast. I want to be in Raleigh, in my sister's guest room bed, heck, I'll even take the couch, only if that means I'll get to see my nephew before his surgery in a few hours. It's 2:18 there and in less than 4 hours they'll be checking him in, filling out routine paper work, and getting him ready for his 11th surgery in 19 months. Sadly, this isn't AS big of a deal when he was first born and everything was so unknown, but it's still scary at sh*t. I still cry knowing that a team of surgeons and doctors and nurses will be touching and probing and watching stats of this 19 month old stranger (somewhat to some of them), and not realizing who he is to a lot of people. He's my heart and for the first time since I've moved, I've never felt more depressed than now that I'm not in NC. I'm completely heart broken that I'm not physically there to support him and my sister and my brother in law during this long and gut wrenching process of surgery.
So I reckon I'll dry those tears, pray as hard as I can, and think happy thoughts as much as possible until the world of sleep takes me under.
Aunt Bubbie loves you Ethan.
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ReplyDeleteCrazy. It's 5:15 here, which means it's 2:15 there, which is about what time it was here when you posted that. I think I just time traveled.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously. This is why you didn't move in the first place ... Daddy, Ethan, your family, your friends ... we were all holding you back. These days were bound to come, but don't let not sitting in a waiting room at Duke keep you from living your life there!
I'll call you with updates (maybe even send a text or two!) :) I love you, Jess. Thanks for being the best sister and aunt around!